DISCLAIMER: I decided to not edit this at all. I want it to properly convey the frustration that I was feeling while on my third day without cigarettes and nicotine.
I have finally decided to take the plunge. To dare to dream and finally rid myself of this curse that has haunted me for most of my life. I have chose to quit smoking cigarettes and to stop any form of nicotine consumption all together.
This is not really a choice that I was willing to make. I had spent many happy years consuming this carcinogen and a moderate rate. I had probably attempted to quit smoking about 20 or so times over the years. It would seem as though I was getting ready to quit quitting.
It was only when I realised how to overcome all of my excuses would I ever be able to quit this horrible addiction.
I had to quit my job. The only excuse that kept me tied to the coffin nails was that my job was highly stressful and i needed them to help me to calm down during the day. Now that was a valid excuse, did have a extremely stressfull job. I had dozens of people bringing me hundreds of problems everyday.
I quit that job three days ago and as i write this it is my third day without any kind of tobacco or nicotine replacement.
It has been a new experince for me. I don’t know if hell exists but if it does, i would be safe to thik that this is how the people in hell feel all of the time.
to be perfectly honest, the first two days were hell.
It can be described as twitchy confusion interspersed with hostility and undirected rage. the third day is just confustion. I guess it isn’t all that bad because I still have the ability to drap this machine out of storage and hack out a quck story about my struggles.
I do feel better though. Not physically better, but mentally better. I feel that this is probably one of the most important things that I have ever done in my life. I know that with this major accomplishment out of the way, I can achieve anything that i set my mind on.
Physically, i feel like crap. My lungs feel like they have hardedend up, i am having to constantly clear phlegm from my throat and i can barely work up the energy to do anything.
I still managed to get a few things done today though. I suppose that this will be the discipline practice that i need to focus and implement all of my intent towards attaining my dreams.
I have been getting all sorts of good, unsolicited advice from people. The one bit of advice that is consisten from everyone is that I should stay away from the things that compliment cigarettes. Things such as coffee, beer, sex, driving and big meals.
Its solid advice but I have been tempting myself with beer and enjoying delicious coffee everymorning. I did get a Timmies that nearly brought me to tears when I didn’t have a butt to go with it. The beer just loosesns me up and makes me more courageous. Strengthens my willpower. I haven’t had any big meals to consume in the past few day to test my resolve and as far as an after sex smoke is concerned, I might have sex again. I hope that I have sex again and when that day comes, i will be prepared to reinforce my willpower and stay nicotine free.
I am trying to organise my thoughts about the situation as much as I possibly can but for some reason i find that my mind is slightly more muddled than usual. I will be publishing this peice unedited in order to properly portray how my emotional state is affecting my ablity to properly convey a scentence.
Thank you for spending the time to read this. I hope that you have never chose to smoke cigarettes and that you will never ave to go through the horrendous experience of quitting.