I know that it’s been a while and that a blog without constant posts looks abandoned, but it isn’t. I’ve just been practicing what I preach while getting side tracked by all of the struggles that life has to offer.
Who has time to write something every night anyways? I know I sure don’t.
Here I am though, back for some more forays into the written world. And here, is what has been happening to me since I last posted…
I started using drugs. Yes! Illegal ones! Ones that will make the neighbors hate you. Drugs that people have been told to fear for the past 100 years. Drugs called Cannabis, to be more precise.
Why? Because I wanted to end my life. All of the shit that I wrote on this site was just an effort to keep myself happy and content with life, to try and show myself how to live a good life and how I can keep living happily ever after. Especially during those depressive times. Although being manic really gets the energy flowing for some creativity.
I figured that since I was willing to kill myself, I should be willing to do anything. This was the beginning of a downward slide that led to me achieving complete independence and actually accomplishing something in my life that’s worth bragging about, home ownership.
It’s only been since April 21 2017 that I started smoking pot and since then, my life has changed drastically. Like I said, home ownership, it might be small and cheap, but at least I can call it my home.
I might have forgotten to mention that it’s about 2000 km away from where I previously was. Half way across Canada. I sold all of my stuff, packed the rest into a small car and headed East. And that is a story for another time.
Now I’m not completely blaming drug use for this momentous leap forwards in my life, but it certainty didn’t hurt. It just helped liberate some thoughts that needed to get out.
I think what really did it, was an article that I wrote. It brought about a different mindset. ZapSmass.com/optimistic-nihilsm really brought out something in me that I didn’t know existed. Something that I still don’t entirely know how to describe. Some kind of empowering darkness. Or maybe a lessening of my fear of the unknown.
I felt as though I could do anything that I put my mind to. I still hate rejection, but now I don’t fear it. So without fear holding me back, I tried and failed to get three properties, before I got this one. It was an emotional roller coaster that I was more than happy to ride because even though I wasn’t winning. I still was enjoying the ride.
Even though I wasn’t winning. I still was enjoying the ride.
So I sit here once again, in front of the keyboard with some sativa in my head and creativity in my heart, trying to think of interesting things to captivate an audience, with nothing but the sound of the keyboard to keep me company. Writing. My craft, my hobby, my obsession. I have been writing since I was a child. I write so much better than I speak but that’s just something that needs to be worked on, time for this sim to head over to the mirror.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you want to know more about me and my works, contact me. If you want to support me and my work, turn your ad blocker off. Thank you.